Caring for our elders

In this blog, I will be touching upon a very sensitive topic, i.e. about the care and attention provided to our parents, especially when they reach an age when an enhanced medical attention is required. I feel that most of you will be able to associate yourself with this article in one way or other.

If the elderly parents stay with their grown up children, or are in their close proximity, then they tend to get better medical attention and personal care and supervision. I have known of examples where their grown up children and spouses have put aside their family and social lives and provided whole-heated support - even physical support, to their parents. Hats off to such persons for their selfless devotion.

On the other hand there are those who are not fortunate enough to have their children in the close vicinity, especially when they need them the most. This situation is initially brought about by the financial situation, where the children relocate to other places to earn their bread and butter. It is very rare that when their financial situation improves they come back to join their elderly parents, as most children nowadays prefer to stay separately - the days of joint families are almost over. This by and large results in our parents being left to stay on their own.

I will be addressing this particular issue in today's blog.

We can keep discussing endlessly the merits and the possibilities that whenever the situation demands, the children should return to be near their parents. However, this is one's personal choice and could also depend on their relations within the family and their financial condition. A corner of our heart does, however, yearn to join the parents and give them wholehearted physical and medical attention, but we usually decide to stay put in the cool comfort of the life that we have built for ourselves in our ivory towers.

We commonly hear that our colony resembles a home for the old-aged persons. While the elders have stayed put in their abode, majority of the youngsters have migrated oversees to live their own independent lives. To an extent we are fortunate that our elders had the vision to build this colony. I have generally considered our colony as a fortress, although many of us take its benefits for granted. We all know the incidents that take place all over Mumbai, where several senior citizens have faced attacks from strangers and not-so-strangers inside their houses.

Fortunately, in our case the situation has not reached such proportions that parents are sent to old-age homes, as is the norm in western countries. Although there have been some cases where elderly persons have gone over to old-age homes, hearts of hearts we know that in this regard, the colony has been our saviour so far.

So what shall we do? We cannot ask the children to return back to their parents, neither would the parents be willing to leave their abodes and join the children abroad. Children generally prefer their parents to visit for short durations. Sometimes the children visit their parents when they are not well and need medical attention. However, their one eye is always on the return flight. With the communication channels improving, most of them keep in touch with the elders back home, arrange medical assistance for them and also secure them financially. Arrangements of a maid or a full time nursing attention come as a huge relief. But all this is only a ‘remote' control.

Recently I had an opportunity to discuss arrangements of a personalised medical attention for our elders with a medic. I understand that this arrangement was discussed with the members of Panchayat or perhaps Society some time ago, however, it could not be implemented due to reasons which I am not aware of. I have received positive feelers from several of my friends in Dubai that they would love to have an arrangement whereby their parents are regularly looked after medically.

The proposal being discussed with the medic, is that he and his team will undertake regular check-up of the elders and convey early warning signs, if any, to the children. Whenever any medication is required the same would be prescribed and arranged. If any medical tests are required, these too would be arranged. Hospitalisation would be arranged whenever necessary. The medic's visits can be arranged, either on a regular basis or on per call basis. The arrangement could be finalised for a one-off case or on an annual basis. I will be receiving a detailed proposal in this regard, which I intend forwarding to my friends in Dubai. It could also be shared with Bhagnaris living in other places.

While I don't consider this suggestion as a solution to the problems cited in the earlier paras, I feel it would be quite helpful and ease the situation to some extent. It will not provide our elders an opportunity of enjoying a personal support of the children, but it would at least ensure that they are medically looked after and lead healthy lives.

I would like to invite your thoughts and comments on this subject which I feel is very close to the heart of most Bhagnari families. Through this forum, we hope to generate ideas to help and care for our elders. The next stage would be the implementation of these ideas.